This is a day of reflection. Not only is this the sixth anniversary of 9/11, but the calendar has made its way back around to the same day, a Tuesday. I remember so many things about that day so clearly. For me, thankfully, the day is mostly about when mine and Casey's relationship deepened, so there is a sort of sweetness mixed in with the sadness of all the people who lost their lives, and all the families and friends who lost their loved ones.
I can't remember if I mentioned this exact thing before, but that evening, when I finished work, I went by Casey and his roomate's apartment. There had been a sort of prayer gathering amongst my friends that evening which I had missed. I was disappointed about this, but I asked Casey if he wanted to go on a walk (or did he ask me?). Anyway, we walked and talked for a while, and then went to IHOP. This was the first time we'd ever gone somewhere without the rest of our little group. Somehow I remember that Casey only had $3.15 in his pocket, so I picked up the tab. I can't remember what I ordered, but I remember that I cleaned my plate, because our waitress came over and -- get this -- called me Miss Piggy! Her reasoning in this was that she was allowed to call me a name like this because I was thin. She didn't put it quite like that, but regardless, it was a pretty strange and rude thing to say.
Casey and I both laughed about it, and we still do. But when I think back on it I wonder, "Where was the love?" I mean, this was 9/11 -- a day when 2,974 people tragically lost their lives. You would think that we would all be walking around kind of sharing the love. But somehow, this waitress was looking beyond that to be irritated about a thin customer finishing her meal. I don't get it. I really do think she was irritated, because the tone of her voice was not all that jokey.
I know that is such a silly story for this day. It's just one of the many things about that day that has stuck in my mind, the ridiculousness and randomness of it. I remember such tiny, tiny things about that day and the days surrounding it, and I wonder what I will tell Miles about it when he gets older. I suppose I'll wait to see what he wants to know about it, because surely he will study about it in school. In a way, it's like my generation asking their parents about the day that JFK died, although mine weren't living in America, so they weren't as focused on those events as American kids would have been.
I'm rambling so much here, but I just wanted to post something today, and for some reason I'm having a hard time collecting my thoughts. But days like this certainly remind me to hold Casey and Miles tighter, give more kisses and say more I love you's. And losing our friend Brian just a month ago yesterday has brought that up a notch. Casey asked me to listen to a song with him today that was played at Brian's memorial service. I hadn't heard it since then, so I was pretty sure the tears would fall. And they did. As we listened, we held on to each other and I cried and cried...just thinking of the unfairness of it all, especially for Brian's family, such a wonderful and loving group of people who never deserved this pain.
I wish the world was an easier place to live in, don't you? But we weren't promised that. We weren't promised only sunshine -- we all get sunshine and rain, some more of one than the other. Talking to Casey the other night as we were getting ready for bed, I was talking about good and evil, and wondering if one would exist without the other. I then realized that God had existed before Satan, and so yes, good can exist without evil. And when this world is through, there will be no more evil once again.
There have certainly been times in my life when I have longed for that day of 'no more tears.' But I am here on this earth right now, and so hopefully I will do a decent job during my time to share the love.