First post in 18 months and I'm already quoting Frozen

After a little more than 18 months of no posts, I am slowly making my way back. I'm not counting on the readers to be back, but that's completely fine. Writing is something I miss so much, but when we added two whole people to our family in one day...well, that tends to derail a few 'side' projects. Take my knitting, for instance. It was more than a year after the babies were born until I picked up my needles (strike that, I think I took my knitting bag on our Christmas 2012 visit but maybe got two rows done). Writing and knitting, even photography, took a long backseat ride for a while. I knew there was no real preparation for having twins, and it has taught me that life is gloriously insane at times.

I want to write with purpose, but I'm not going to hold myself to a 'must-blog-every-day' standard. I don't even get to shower every day for the most part. I like sharing humor, and my life in photos, but I also like to write about heavier things. I have not been without struggles these past 21 months (that's how old my babies are tomorrow). Like any mom, I have had days of struggling. And I can hardly go anywhere without hearing, "you've got your hands full!" Yes. Full. But my heart has also been full. Of course, some days I have to stop and tell myself to be more thankful. I can see Infertile Tracey glaring at me from the corner, a reminder that this is what my heart ached for...and what so many other women still ache for.

Backing off the heavy stuff now. Again, I write as though no one will read this, and that is truly okay. It is simply a creative outlet for me, maybe something my kids will appreciate waaaaaay down the line. Who knows where blogs will be then...

That's all for now. It feels like I'm writing my first post, and I have nothing to say except, "Hi Internet, here I am!" And now I hear Olaf in my head: "Hi, I'm Olaf, and I like warm hugs!" Yikes.

'Wild Geese'

I saw this poem on another blog and had to share it...

WILD GEESE

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting 
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

Playing Catch-Up

Click here to vote for my photo of Miles for Shutterfly's Family Photo Days Holiday Photo Contest! If you don't want to vote, it's cool...just go look at the photo, it's still fun to see!

Side note: Sorry I have not been blogging lately. Catching up with life, tapering off anti-depressants, and there are more holiday things to be working on than I can think of at the moment. Tonight, the three of us will be trimming the tree while eating cookies and M&M's, listening to holiday music and wrapping presents. I'm sure a game of Chutes and Ladders or Wii something-or-other will make its way into the mix.

Oh, there goes the dryer! Back to domesticity. I did manage a workout, something I've been really getting into these days. My body is not happy with me, but too bad. The feeling has been mutual. Hope you're all having a blessed Saturday!

Belated...Again

Seems I've done it once again. My blog -- formerly known as Trace Talks -- celebrated its 6th birthday one week ago today. And sadly, it celebrated alone.

So sorry, my little blog. You deserve better. Here's a candle:

Slow to the Fast

I haven't been the consistent blogger I wanted to be. Look, we're in the third month of the year and I've posted eight times in 2010! No consistency here, folks.

I could throw out so many excuses reasons as to why I've been so neglectful of my blog, but we'd be here a while and frankly, I don't think you'd even stick around to read all of those reasons. (Read: BORING!) I did do something new this week, though, and for those of you who are not only my blog readers but also my Facebook friends you are already clued in.

I decided that I'd go on a Facebook fast for at least a week. Given that I didn't grow up in a world filled with internet, cellphones, iPods and such it might be just a bit easier for me to give up Facebook than, say, an 18-year-old. Still, with as much time as I spend on Facebook throughout the week, it's not going to be a simple task.

Why did I go on a Facebook fast? I knew that it would be good for me. Not that it's been really a bad thing, but I can't say that it's been greatly beneficial. I love keeping in touch with old and new friends...I just needed this break. That's a big deal for me to say and do that, because I am on the internet every day, sometimes for too long. So I don't make this decision lightly. And I'm hoping that without it I can learn to cut down my computer time permanently.

On a completely new topic, I'm still working on my training to walk the half-marathon in a couple of weeks. Sometimes I don't get all my training done during the week, but I am happy to say that just over a week ago I walked more than 10 miles! And yeah...I thought I would fall over by the end. Even though I was walking in the park, it was definitely no 'walk in the park'! Too cheesy? Sorry.

I'm sure by the time I get back to Facebook, something crazy will have happened and I will have missed it. That always seems to be the way. I'm okay with it though. I can always update my status in my mind.

Tweaking the Blog

If you visit my blog often enough, you will surely notice that it looks different. I was inspired by another blog I came across just a few days ago. That's when the obsession kicked in. Honestly, I don't enjoy becoming obsessed with projects, and I know I can fight it off. But in my weak moments it takes me over. Also, it's the kind of thing that can easily take my mind off any IVF anxiety. For that, I am grateful.

I also tweaked my photoblog (Leaning Tripod) a bit just today, although I really need to make a better effort to add photos on a regular basis. I had fun making the header, making it my own. Same with Beauty For Ashes...I had an idea in my head and went to work in Photoshop. At some point, I did something with the design that I cannot replicate no matter how hard I try, but at least I made it happen when it counted!

There are a few new things and less old things in the sidebars (I have more than one sidebar now!). Under 'Our IVF Journey' I give a short recap of our fertility/infertility lives since April 2006. There might be some things there that I haven't mentioned on the blog until now. I'd like to add more to it after everything is said and done.

Speaking of IVF, our little family will be making a trip to the clinic very soon for three different appointments. Since we live over three hours away, we tried our best to combine as many visits into one, and we managed to get three! We're still on the beginning end of this whole process, and we actually don't even know what protocol they'll be using for me as it's different for everyone. I'm hoping for the shorter protocol, but I'll do what they think is best.

Five Years of Blogging Making the World a Better Place

I missed it last year, and I am astounded that I remembered it this year: my blog is five years old today! Do I say 'Happy Birthday Trace Talks'? Because technically it is no more...but it's not like I can say 'Happy Birthday Beauty For Ashes' because it hasn't been around that long...technically. Either way, I've been writing some post or another for five years, so woohoo!

On a completely different note, I am having a small procedure tomorrow morning to have a polyp removed from my uterus. Really not a big deal at all, and yet I still find a way to be semi-anxious about it. Maybe I'm just hungry. Anyway, it will be in the doctor's office and will take just a few minutes. I had the opportunity to choose either general or local anesthesia, and insanely enough I chose local. Why? Because with general anesthesia there's more time involved, it's at the hospital, there has to be an IV...just lots more hassle involved. Sure, you get to be totally unaware of what's going on, but hey! I like to know what's going on.

Honestly, I would like to be as unaware as possible, but I truly did not want to spend more time than was necessary on this. I believe it will go well and not be a huge deal (yeah -- tell that to my tomorrow morning self!). Normally I wouldn't even need to have this done in such a rush, but uterine polyps are a big no-no in the in vitro world. They can raise the possibility of miscarriage with embryo transfers quite a bit, so there is really no question as to whether I would have this done or not. The whole IVF process won't start for a few weeks, but I am one to want things happening now if I know it needs to be done. With my last few surgeries I think the most common question I asked was, "So can we do this tomorrow?"