Someday

Casey shared this quote with me today. It's from a book called Surprised By Hope and the author is N. T. Wright.

Heaven and earth, it seems, are not after all poles apart, needing to be separated forever when all the children of heaven have been rescued from this wicked earth. They are different, radically different, but they are made for each other in the same way as male and female. And when they finally come together, that will be cause for rejoicing in the same way that a wedding is: a creational sign that God’s project is going forward; that opposite poles within creation are made for union, not competition; that love and not hate have the last word in the universe; that fruitfulness and not sterility is God’s will for creation.

Someday, things will be as they should. Someday, all of these struggles and heartaches will be redeemed. There are days when I long more for that 'someday' and days when I feel that God gives us glimpses of heaven right where we are.

Photos and Blogs

I'm working on about five new projects recently, almost all involving my photography. Hopefully I will be able to unveil some of it in the near future. For now, just trying to get it all done correctly and well. If you haven't seen me tone one of my photos, you just don't know how meticulous I can be. I've had people tell me, "Don't worry about 'fixing' the photos with Photoshop!" when I've taken pictures for them. Apparently they do not know how my brain works. Must. Tone. Photos.

I really wasn't going to blog about much today. I wanted to share about a couple of blogs that I've been reading for a while. I came across one through the other, and both of them are completely heart-wrenching. So why do I read them? I don't know...maybe so I can be reminded of my own blessings, or to be inspired by others going through huge tragedies -- ones that will never leave their minds.

The first one is called matt, liz and madeline. It started out as a regular blog, sharing with friends and family. But the day after Matt Logelin's wife Liz gave birth to their daughter Madeline -- just over twenty-four hours later -- Liz died. Now the blog is about a single father trying to figure out how to raise a child on his own, although you'll see that he thankfully has many, many helping hands in the process.

The blog I found through Matt's blog is called The Spohrs Are Multiplying. As a mother, I find this one almost unbearable to read, because it is about the loss of this couple's little 18-month-old girl Maddie in April of this year. It also started out as a regular kind of blog, but is now a picture of the daily struggles of grief. You'll find humor in there as well, and the videos of Maddie are just priceless. Don't say I didn't warn you, though...this is tough stuff.

Bath Time Enlightenment

Miles enjoys bath time. He has almost always loved it...the toys, the splashing, the (as he calls it) 'swimming.' I think there was a phase during his baby years when he just didn't want to get in the bathtub for some reason, but it didn't last long. I wish I got more enjoyment out of bathing him, but more and more it is just work.

For one thing, bath time comes at the end of the day and right before bedtime. This generally means that, unless I have had some sort of caffeinated beverage (and lately I am only having one cup of coffee in the morning), I am more ready for Miles to go to bed than he will ever be. In other words, I am pooped.

Secondly, I think Miles sees his bath time as a sort of job. As in, 'this is what I do, this is very important to me.' And here we come demanding that he stop playing and splashing for a minute so we can attempt to get him squeaky-clean. Basically we're getting in his way. And frankly, if I just didn't care if my kid was dirty and stinky I would be happy to let him play in the tub for a while and then put him to bed.

Now, not to say that my son becomes belligerent and fights me every step of the way. Not at all. It's just that he's so involved in the splashing and the pretending that he is not listening when I say, "Okay, lean your head back" and I find myself saying that or "Be still!" one hundred times. And I don't like repeating myself...especially at the end of the day. But last night, just as I got started on scrubbing Miles' hair and feeling that irritation of 'here we go again,' an illustration popped into my mind that got me thinking.

As a Christian, I know that God is always trying to work on me -- to 'create in me a clean heart' (Psalm 51:10). And what am I doing all the while? Well, I'm very busy doing what I do, the everyday things of life...some of these things are important, some not so important. But of course all of it seems important to me. God tries to get my attention in different ways, and how many times has he had to repeat himself because I'm not listening to him? If I would just 'be still and know that he is God' (Psalm 46:10) there is so much more work he could do on my heart!

That has stuck with me throughout today and I just wanted to share it with you.

Dark Coincidences

Last night was mine and Casey's weekly 'date night,' wherein we usually stay home and watch a movie or a favorite show, maybe play some Skip-Bo or Trivial Pursuit. Once in a great while we will go out for dinner and/or a movie, but because that involves paying money for the outing and a babysitter we tend to opt for the 'night in' version.

As we headed out to a church event in the early evening, Casey and I were trying to decide which of our two movie choices we would watch when we got back home and put Miles to bed. It would either be Prince Caspian or The Dark Knight. We hadn't said yet which one each of us would like to watch.

"Let's count to three and then say the name of the movie we want to see at the same time," I suggested. You can see that I am the ideas person in the family.

Casey agreed -- although I get the feeling he felt a bit silly -- and we both counted, "One...two...three..."

"Dark Knight!" we said together and then laughed.

"See, that was the best way," I told him. "Now we know for sure it's what we both want!"

And no kidding, not two minutes had gone by when we passed a Domino's Pizza where they've been having different guys standing outside with a sign advertising their $5 pizzas. Normally they're in a toga, dancing around to their iPod music, but guess what who the guy was dressed as this time?

The Joker.

My response, "It's a sign -- we picked the right movie!"

Donut? Oh, Donate...got it.

I've taken a little while deciding to do this, but wanted first to explain why I am going through with it. I have added a 'Donate' button to my sidebar for those who would like to give toward our IVF journey. I've struggled with it, gone back and forth in my mind, but with the decision to go ahead there are some things I am keeping in mind.

One is that several people -- friends and family -- have already asked if they can give us some money toward our costs. I mentioned the idea for a button on the blog to Casey, and he was for it. In his words, "They don't have to give if they don't want to." Made sense to me. Which brings up the second thing I will be keeping in mind. We want you to know that we are fully aware that IVF is not a need. Casey and I do not need to have more children, but we long to have more children. Yes, to me, it can feel like a need at times because the longing and ache for another baby is so great. We may only receive donations from those friends and family who have asked if they can help, and that would be wonderful! No matter what we receive -- even if there are no donations -- we will be thankful for what we do have.

The whole IVF process won't be going into motion quite as soon as we had hoped, maybe a month later. But there are still things to be done before it all starts, like labs and tests and possibly a small procedure (don't tell me you're surprised I need another procedure!). But hopefully, after those things are said and done, we can really get started on this journey.

I want to say thank you for the prayers and really uplifting comments and emails. I had been nervous about sharing, and what to share, about what has been going on this past year. But the more I share, the more blessed I am by what you say. You really don't know how encouraged I have been lately. Thank you for listening.