Big Box. No, Really...BIG BOX.

If you've read any other blog about IVF, there are always the inevitable pictures of THE BOX OF MEDS. Did you think I would be any different? Okay, maybe I did scoff a little at the beginning, thinking, "Why in the world are these women posting pictures of their injectable meds?" But the more I learned about the process and realized that a lot of people really don't know what goes into it, I was ready to join in. I knew that when the day came that my box was delivered, I would be pulling out the camera. I really hadn't intended to post these pictures until later (with THE BIG POST), but I couldn't help myself. You just have to see this stuff. Have to.

While taking pictures of the box, I noticed that Junebug was becoming terribly interested in what I was doing. Either that or she just wanted to be inside. If there was a thought bubble above her head in this photo, I think it would say, "What is in that box and can I have it now, please?"

I had set everything up in a nice pretty way and taken some photos, then Casey and I did as the instructions said and made sure everything on the list was actually in the box. The Follistim, which is probably the most important thing in the box, was nowhere to be found. But then we realized that the HUGE silver bag still sitting in the box -- which I thought was just a cold bag to keep some of the 'refrigerate upon arrival' meds cold -- contained ice packs and the Follistim. Some days the blonde shines through a little more than others.

I examined everything carefully. Some of the contents were very clear to me, some were of the that-which-I-will-Google-later variety, and some were just plain scary. Yes, the needles. You'll see that the length on most of them is 1-1/2 inches. And if you don't think that's scary, I guess you would have to see it in person. Except for me they're in several bags, and in great numbers they just look like evil.

I took another picture of the needles on the windowsill, hoping to make them look more shiny and happy. It only worked for a little while. They still have to be stuck into my skin, after all.

So there you have it: my official post about THE BOX OF MEDS. I was anxious about them arriving. I thought seeing them would raise the anxiety level a bit, but it had the opposite effect! I feel so ready for this and I'm actually excited to get started. Now, don't confuse my excitement for happiness. Yes, there are good feelings about the possibilities at the end of all of this. I promise I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but when you are in the middle of this situation having just written a very large check for something you may never see results from and you are looking at several weeks of anxiety, incredibly crazy hormones, and more than one procedure wherein you have less than a 50% chance of coming away pregnant...well, there is just not a lot of jumping-up-and-down excitement going on.

I'm saving all that up for later.

Not a Product Review

I promise I don't own any of this jewelry, nor am I getting any of it for free to plug the site. I just had to share it because I think it's genius and if I have another baby it is something I want to get for sure! Just another one of those 'why didn't I think of that?' products. Check it out!

Wordless Wednesday

Joy and Sorrow

This is taken from a chapter in The Prophet by philosopher Khalil Gibran. It strikes such a chord with me because I have talked more than once about my own joy and sorrow living side by side and what a mystery that is to me.

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Tweaking the Blog

If you visit my blog often enough, you will surely notice that it looks different. I was inspired by another blog I came across just a few days ago. That's when the obsession kicked in. Honestly, I don't enjoy becoming obsessed with projects, and I know I can fight it off. But in my weak moments it takes me over. Also, it's the kind of thing that can easily take my mind off any IVF anxiety. For that, I am grateful.

I also tweaked my photoblog (Leaning Tripod) a bit just today, although I really need to make a better effort to add photos on a regular basis. I had fun making the header, making it my own. Same with Beauty For Ashes...I had an idea in my head and went to work in Photoshop. At some point, I did something with the design that I cannot replicate no matter how hard I try, but at least I made it happen when it counted!

There are a few new things and less old things in the sidebars (I have more than one sidebar now!). Under 'Our IVF Journey' I give a short recap of our fertility/infertility lives since April 2006. There might be some things there that I haven't mentioned on the blog until now. I'd like to add more to it after everything is said and done.

Speaking of IVF, our little family will be making a trip to the clinic very soon for three different appointments. Since we live over three hours away, we tried our best to combine as many visits into one, and we managed to get three! We're still on the beginning end of this whole process, and we actually don't even know what protocol they'll be using for me as it's different for everyone. I'm hoping for the shorter protocol, but I'll do what they think is best.