Five is Here. Heart, Don't Break.

Dear Miles,

Three days ago you turned five years old, something I have been slightly dreading for a while. Each birthday has gotten just a little more difficult for me, but five means more change than your mama is ready to embrace.

I begged you joked with you several times before the big day about remaining a four-year-old. Finally you got quite serious with me and said in a firm but kind voice, "I have to get bigger, you know that." You are so very ready to be taller and older, and yet you are still somehow sensitive to how I am dealing with it.

One of those changes I mentioned at the beginning is the fact that you will start attending school in the fall...no, not even the fall, because it begins on the fourth day of August! Can't I just have one more month with you? But no. And when we registered you for school recently I made myself swallow those feelings down, because this is a big deal for you and you need to know that I am going to be okay. Of course I'll have my little crying moments away from you, but I'm also going to be so proud to see my Miles head off on a new adventure.

Learning to write letters and to count

There have been so many more 'firsts' this past year. You played your first (and second) season of soccer and went from crying on the field to scoring your first goal! You really got into dressing up for Halloween, and sometimes when it wasn't Halloween you still wanted to be Batman. For Christmas you received your first 'big' bike...good thing too, that tricycle was getting a bit small for you. And even though we have had our cat Junebug since before you were born, the arrival of new kitty Oz has been a big first in your life. He just has no idea how much you adore him, and I think he's very lucky to have you for a friend.

Showing his soccer form

Enjoying Halloween treats at the library

Bike ride in the park

Miles and Oz: best buddies

This past winter, you made very clear something that has seemed clear for a good while now: you love the cold. In fact, you made that statement to me so much that I almost knew when you would say it. But even in that spirit you cannot ignore how much more you love each different season. It's as if it's in your blood, and must be, because your daddy is the same: loves the cold, but can't get enough of those changing seasons.

Looking cool while washing the car on a summer day

The perfect pumpkin

Snowball fight with Daddy in the nine-inch snowfall

Spring snails found on the porch

Miles and Daddy...what can I say? The blessings I receive from you both on a given day could keep my heart afloat for years to come. You are both more sweet to me than I deserve, and nothing makes me smile more than seeing you interact and share that daddy-son affection I know is so important. Miles, when you get older I hope to see you appreciate what an incredible man your daddy is. I know that right now he is your hero in that 'my daddy is the strongest man in the world' type of way...someday you'll learn that he is very strong, and giving his life in service to God shows that strength every day.

Daddy, Miles and Uncle Corey on the U of A campus

How tall are we, Mama?

 Falling asleep while waiting for Daddy to play

We've seen your sense of humor emerging more this past year. It's so much fun seeing you understand more subtle humor, but you're still mostly about the physical comedy. Nothing wrong with that! Some of the greats have been revered for their slapstick. I'm just glad you still think I'm funny, and hopefully our dinnertime giggles will last a long time.

I learn so much from you, Miles. You already see beauty in the small things, you take joy from the simple things, and you charge ahead with the tough things. Life is still so new and amazing for you, but you are teaching me. I have a feeling it will always be that way.

That purity, that innocence about you, I am holding on to that for as long as I can. When I write your next birthday letter, you will almost be through with your first year of school. How much will you have grown? How much will you have changed? I want you to grow in love and goodness always, and keep that joy in your heart as you go on your way. But I am here whenever you need me to lean on.

Love,

Mama