Following is an entry from my journal dated three weeks ago today. I really don't share my journal, ever, but I wanted to share these thoughts to show where I am lately in my journey...
Monday, March 9, 2009
So much has happened in one month. God continues to open my eyes and heart as I continue to ask Him for guidance. I don't know when, or if, we might be blessed with another baby. But I am following where God will lead me -- through this desert that holds treasures around every corner. I have my manna, and yes I have grumbled, but mostly I am crying out to God, because who honestly wants to be led through a desert? And yet...it is so good. How amazing is that? My heart has been running on half-empty for a year, chasing and pursuing its baby-dreams. But now, I am laying those dreams at Jesus' feet, and my heart has not been this full in a very long time. I began looking outwardly rather than inwardly, and found a chance at service that has been tugging at my heart for a while now. I really don't know what to expect, but I'm excited now that I'll have a chance to shine the light I've been given.
This is all still very hard. I've broken down more than once in the past few days -- once because I found out yet again that we're not pregnant, but mostly because any kind of spiritual growth is not easy, and is in fact painful. And this is a big time of growing for me, so naturally it brings more pain. But oh...'the riches and fullness of His love'! I regret that I didn't begin this journey a year ago. But at least I've begun. I don't know where God will lead me or what His will entails for our future. All I know is that I'm following, however badly I may be doing it...I am following.
Monday, March 9, 2009
So much has happened in one month. God continues to open my eyes and heart as I continue to ask Him for guidance. I don't know when, or if, we might be blessed with another baby. But I am following where God will lead me -- through this desert that holds treasures around every corner. I have my manna, and yes I have grumbled, but mostly I am crying out to God, because who honestly wants to be led through a desert? And yet...it is so good. How amazing is that? My heart has been running on half-empty for a year, chasing and pursuing its baby-dreams. But now, I am laying those dreams at Jesus' feet, and my heart has not been this full in a very long time. I began looking outwardly rather than inwardly, and found a chance at service that has been tugging at my heart for a while now. I really don't know what to expect, but I'm excited now that I'll have a chance to shine the light I've been given.
This is all still very hard. I've broken down more than once in the past few days -- once because I found out yet again that we're not pregnant, but mostly because any kind of spiritual growth is not easy, and is in fact painful. And this is a big time of growing for me, so naturally it brings more pain. But oh...'the riches and fullness of His love'! I regret that I didn't begin this journey a year ago. But at least I've begun. I don't know where God will lead me or what His will entails for our future. All I know is that I'm following, however badly I may be doing it...I am following.
2 comments:
I hear what you are saying... and you say it so well!
Thanks Shell, that's very sweet of you to say. :)
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