Thursday, January 08, 2009

"...gone about its incessant business..."

In (possible) preparation for my sharing photos of my scars with the whole entire Internet at some point, I keep going back to a quote by author Janet Burroway. I've never read any of her work, just came across this quote in a magazine. I tore it out and have kept it in my purse or by my bedside since, because it helps me in those times when I try to wish my scars away. Meaningless to do so, I know, but don't we all have moments in which, even for a brief second, wish that something could have been different? If just one little thing could have been different...

Those moments for me are, thankfully, fewer and farther between. But they still come. If something had been discovered about my appendix just a bit sooner...If they just hadn't closed up that incision right away...and so on. The part of me that has grown stronger since tells them to go away. They're more like a pesky fly that I have to wave away, but yes, sometimes they are like heavy weights and I allow myself to sink down with them. I still lament many things, just not as often. Time is my friend, in that it helps those things to heal, but it can be a very slow friend that I keep having to walk back to because it won't keep up to where I think it should be by now.

Have I waxed poetic enough for you? Let me do just a little more, but now with that quote I mentioned earlier:

Why, I say, should I ever have bitterly blamed [my body] for such trifles as I have blamed it for: for having too much flesh in this spot, too little muscle in that, for producing this wrinkle, that sag, that gray hair, or this texture? Dear body! My dear body! It has gone about its incessant business with very little thanks.

~ Janet Burroway

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