What I've Learned This Year

In 2008, I learned...

• So many things. I don't think I'll be able to list them all. Especially since I've waited until the last half-hour of the year to list them. Doh!
• Two-year-olds come up with a lot of interesting things to say.
• Two-and-a-half-year-olds...even better stuff.
• ...to be more open-minded. It's been a slow process and still continues. I just wish I'd started the process sooner.
• I'm seriously tired of hearing about 'Brangelina.' Enough is enough, people!
• Casey and I are actually able to read seven books out loud together. We just finished the Harry Potter series last night. I'd read it, he hadn't. It was fun reliving it all through his eyes.
• Getting a new camera for Christmas made me feel like a kid again.
• Sharing my ups and downs of trying to have another baby wasn't the big deal I thought it would be. I actually feel so much better having done that!
• ...that I have got to stop procrastinating with projects! Yes, I can get them done in one day if I have to, but do I want to?
• It is so nice to have my sister living a lot closer. I wish all of my family was closer, but maybe we'll get there in time. Mom, Dad, Russ, Trev...ready to pack your bags anytime soon?
• There are some not-so-great doctors out there...but there are some really awesome ones as well, and I just happened to have the best and most generous surgeon on my side for the past two years. Thanks, Dr. B.
• When making a couple dozen pumpkin breads to give out to folks at the holidays, check your ingredients twice!
• A good belly laugh from Miles is all I need to cure my blues (I probably learned that before this year, but we've been laughing a lot lately).
• Casey is one in a billion...no, trillion. Either way, there are not many words to express how I feel about that man. He has weathered storms with me that some might not, and we are closer for it. I will kiss him at midnight tonight and feel blessed that we are heading into another year together.
• ...that I have so much more to learn. So much. Maybe I'll have a bigger list next year.

Wishing you all a very happy and healthy new year!

Pre-New Year's Eve Post

It seems as though, at those times when my brain is racing with the greatest blog post in history...I'm never near the computer. Write it down, you say? What, you mean like in the olden days? No way. I'm too lazy.

Like I was saying, I tend to have these (so-called) brilliant points I'd like to make to no one in particular, just whoever will read my blog. I'm a journal-keeper, so this is just me journaling out loud, so to speak.

I think the topics are usually right there at the front of my brain, accessible whenever I'm sitting at the keyboard. It's those witty comments that seem to escape me the moment my fingertips touch the keys. Is that just me getting old(er)? Let's hope not, people, because that would mean it's only downhill from here!

During the Beijing Olympics, I had things to say. When the election was closing in I had lots of things to say. And maybe not what you would expect. And no, it didn't have to do with either of the candidates (See? I told you it wouldn't be what you expected!). It's just something that has become clearer and clearer to me over the past year or so...but it's not the easiest thing to get across on a blog, so I've hesitated. I love my friends and family dearly, but it's possible that some of them would read a paragraph or two and get the wrong idea about what I was trying to say. So far, obviously, I am not one of those take-me-or-leave-me bloggers. My skin is not yet so thick.

Another topic I've looked at is basically opening up more about what I've experienced in the past two-plus years. I know I've shared quite a bit about actual things that happened, but re-reading some of it I realized that I had glossed over so much or had tried to make it lighter with jokes. Sure, not everyone wants to hear about the hard stuff, but then they ultimately have the option of not reading it, right? (Ooh, there's that take-me-or-leave-me attitude coming out!) I am the type of person who will share almost everything with people. Why? No idea. I just don't make a point of hiding a lot unless I feel it's just way too personal or that there will be a better time to share. I don't mind any questions about all the hospital stuff, my auto-immune disorder...any of that.

Also...I know I've joked a lot about my scars. But honestly, that is something that has been a very, very hard pill to swallow. Call me vain if you will -- I've done it! -- but I find that most people, no matter how 'perfect' they may seem on the outside, have a problem with some part of their body. And I was fully prepared for my body to go through the changes that come with having a baby (annoyance #1: pre-pregnancy weight does not equal fitting into pre-pregnancy jeans, yeesh!), but obviously no one knew all the cutting that would take place on and inside my abdomen. I have toyed with the idea of taking photos of my scars, but not only that: actually sharing those photos, to somehow push through the sometimes-bitterness and grab hold of complete acceptance that this is how I look now.

But does anyone really want to see those scars? It's not like I enjoy them, so why would anyone else want to get a glimpse? Also, there's the obvious question of appropriateness. Not that the scars are anywhere but my abdomen, but still...showing my stomach to people? Another one of those things that makes me fear I'll lose all my readers with one click of the upload button. I'm a campus minister's wife, after all! But I suppose that, to me, it comes down to possibly helping anyone else out there who struggles with something like this. You know, someone who sees what I am trying to have courage to do and thinks, "Okay...if she can do that, deal with that, I'll get through." Or maybe it's just about me trying to conquer some demons and hey, if someone benefits along the way, all the better!

Photo Printer Conversation

"Let me ask you this...how would the photo look if we printed it out on glossy paper?"

"It would look glossy, that's how it would look."

How you know when to take a break from the Wii

Casey and Miles were in line at a store. A woman saw Miles and asked him, "Are you ready for Santa Clause?"

Miles responded, "Mama play game!"

Twenty and Six

I've always been fascinated with numbers. Not math so much (loved algebra, hated geometry), but numbers. Dates. Times. That sort of thing. So of course I counted the staples that were left in my stomach, to be removed on Wednesday afternoon.

26 staples. I thought I would find more significance, but I haven't...yet. Last August, I had 33 sutures removed from the same area. I was just three months away from turning 33 years old, so I thought that was pretty cool.

But 26...hmm...not a lot hits me there. I was 26 years old when Casey and I got married. That's all I've found so far. Usually, if it doesn't come to me right away, I figure there's not much in it. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I put a lot of stock into the meaning of these numbers. I just like to look at numbers in all different ways. And really, whether or not I try, numbers just come to me -- come into my mind on a daily basis. It can be a fascinating thing, but also somewhat annoying in its way.

Clearing the way...er, tube

When you've done as much hospital stuff as we've now done (I have to include Casey because he been with me through it all), you are not all that surprised at some of the twists and turns that these journeys will take.

I arrived at the outpatient surgery check-in at precisely 7 a.m. yesterday morning. I was later taken back to the little prep room -- which happened to be directly across the hall from the room I'd waited in for my gallbladder surgery five months ago -- and I was, well, prepped for surgery. No, that's not the 'twist' or the 'turn' I mentioned earlier. I was hoping not to wait too long to be taken back to yet another little waiting place, but it was close to 10 a.m. before that happened. Yeah, not quite fun when all you can think about is breakfast, and how you should be eating it right now.

Right before the surgery, my doctor came to see me and asked if I had any questions. I had three, one of them being: If you aren't able to do the surgery laparoscopically, will you just have to make a bigger incision? His answer: Yes. I can't remember the other two questions at the moment, forgive me...it's been a long couple of days.

Mostly I was concerned that the fallopian tube would be fixed, and that we would get more chances to have more babies. I decided that I just had to be okay with what had to be done, as long as I got the desired outcome. I did wake up to find out that there were too many adhesions for my doctor to do the surgery laprascopically. That meant that the seven-inch vertical incision that had been made for my appendectomy more than two years ago, then opened up again last summer for my abdominal surgery, was for the third time cut open. Ah, no wonder I woke up with that amount of pain! Such a bummer, too, because that scar had just turned nice and white and had started its little fading trend.

But wait, there's good news! Although he tried and could do nothing for the right tube (as he had guessed), my doctor was able to fix the left fallopian tube! He even did the dye test while I was still asleep to check that things were working. Praise God!!

The bigger incision did mean that I had to stay overnight, something we didn't like to hear. But it was okay...I have a couple of funny stories I'll have to share later. I am home tonight -- in a decent amount of pain, but I'm home.